Welcome to my yard. Everything living here has been claimed. Including the staff.
Voiced shorts, gear that survived the Nut Check, and a human who works for me full-time — all from a couch in Chicago.
If it moves, I claimed it. If it sells, I get a cut.
Gear Check
Most gear fails the Nut Check. I destroy it, ignore it, or pee near it until it goes away. These survived. Affiliate links — I get a cut. A king’s gotta eat.
See all 8 survivors
Deebo Don’t Play
“Control is a fantasy. This just slows me down on the way to the next yard.” — Deebo
Get the harness
Chew Review
“They said indestructible. I said bet. Still here. Rare W for the humans.” — Deebo
Get the bone
The Good Stuff
“I’m not trained. I’m bribed. Training is for dogs who lost the argument.” — Deebo
Get the bribes
Crime scene
Photo evidence of a dog who pees on the world and still gets treats. Staff took the pics. I did the damage.
the patches warn them
I walk point
only one of us is management
day one already sizing up what to pee on
territory expands either way
pees on the world · still gets treats
staff took the pics · I did the damage
trespassers will be marked
AI Deebo Speaks
Cloned voice. Real attitude. Hit play — then follow for the next offense.
Free download
Get The Nut Check Starter Pack — 10 rules for raising a dog who pees on the world and still gets invited back. Plus first dibs on merch, before the bandana crowd finds out.
No spam. I don’t have thumbs. Staff is on a performance plan. Privacy.
Impatient? Read the 10 rules now — no email required.
